Goodbye Mommy Guilt, Hello Mommy Gratitude

Summer here is coming to an end! It's so hard to believe. And with the end of summer comes the terrible feeling of Mommy Guilt. All this week I have been trying to ignore it, but I can't! It's right there, front and center, stressing me out.

Every summer I go through the same thing. I begin to think about the limited number of summers I have with my kids, the limited vacations, limited time to make memories. It eats at me! So this summer I am trying hard to think about all the fun things I did and everything I am grateful for, because you see, no matter how much I do with the kids throughout the summer, it will never be enough to tame that ugly old Mommy Guilt.

This summer my oldest got a part time job. Super proud of her! She learned responsibility, how to save money and budget, and most of all, she got up off her bed! She also clocked in some awesome volunteer hours through our lunch program at church, beef up that college application! 

This summer my two youngest accomplished something that many people would just blow past, but for me and in my house, it's big...Independence. This is huge! You see, my youngest daughter doesn't like to do anything by herself. She usually has to have her big sister, me or my husband with her all the time. This summer she went to the amusement park with a friend, she went to the pool with friends and no parents, she had sleepovers and spent large amounts of time away from home, and she scheduled play dates by herself. This is huge! She learned a lot this summer about herself and she has grown personally. And my baby boy, well you see, he's a mama's boy. It's always been me and him, from day 1. And this summer he too has walked himself to friend's houses to play, he uses the phone to call to make plans, he spent evenings with friends playing and having dinner, and he too went to the pool with friends! 

This summer may not of included tons of trips to the beach, vacations or day trips, but it included personal growth and sometimes that's more then anything else. So, yes, I still have the Mommy Guilt that I didn't do enough with my kid's this summer and the terrible thought that they didn't have a good summer; but that's not true! My kid's have had a wonderful summer! I couldn't be more proud of who they are and how much they have grown personally this summer.

"In everything, give thanks" - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

If you are sitting here thinking about the summer, and that horrible unfriendly Mommy Guilt is making you sick, push it away. Because you see, it doesn't matter how much time you spend with your kids, or how many activities you did with them over the summer, that darn Mommy Guilt will always be there! Whether you are a SAHM or a full time working mom, we all have it! And the worse is when you are on Social Media, and begin to compare yourself to all your friends. So stop!!! We are all doing our best in this job of mom. We are all doing it differently based on what is best for our kids. Sit and think about your kids, what is best for them and turn that Mommy Guilt into Mommy Gratitude! The more our kids see us being grateful for things, for them, for the time we spend with them (not necessarily doing activities, but with them) the more they will be grateful! Do we really want to raise a generation of kid's who see their mom's stressed out all the time because of Mommy Guilt? A generation that see's this Mommy Guilt and pass it along? I sure don't want my girl's to deal with Mommy Guilt, because each generation gets worse and worse. I want my girls to be grateful for the times they have with their kids. I want them to have Mommy Gratitude!

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't the only form of Mommy Guilt. I could write a blog post each day of the year about all the different forms of Mommy Guilt, I've dealt with them all. But we have to start somewhere! I'm thinking, blog series! Today I start here. 

As you think back over summer 2017, what are you grateful for? Share with me your Mommy Gratitude and tell me how you told Mommy Guilt goodbye! 

We are all God's children

I've been hesitant to write this, I know many will have things to say. But I feel like I should share, get it off my chest.

For the past few weeks I have been dealing with the school system and school issues and struggling within myself. So here's the back story...my youngest daughter is zoned for a school that is not the most popular in our end of the city. Lots of rumors and opinions about this school. As a parent I have been freaking out about this for a while. Back in the spring I filled about a transfer application for my daughter to attend another school, more favorable. Well, with our luck it got denied.  So for the past 3 weeks I have been stressing about this, talking with people at the admin building and internally struggling with what to do. Then I remembered the words from Proverbs 3: 5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

So, I sat down with my youngest daughter and we started talking. We discussed the school year, talked about her anxieties and worries. And we both came to the conclusion, what we were so worried about? The classes are the same classes offered at all the middle schools in the city, in fact the teacher's follow the same curriculum. We know personally one of the assistant principals at the school, and she is wonderful. So what are we so worried about?

You see, if you know me at all you know that I am one of "those" parents. You know the one's I am talking about, helicopter, strict, pain in the butt; whatever adjective you want to put in there. I have rules, strict rules and my kids must follow them. I have never in my adult life worried about my kids, I have always taught them to love everyone, no judgement. You see, my belief is, the school's are not raising my kids, I am! Yes, they are there for 6 hours during the day, but I am their mom. From day 1 in kindergarten, I ask that famous question, "How was your day?" and from day 1 I get the answers I want. Of course it takes some additional questions, but once I'm done asking I can tell you who was late to class, who they sat next to and talked about at lunch, what songs they sang at music, books they read at library, how many times someone asked to use the restroom, what happened on the playground; I know everything! By third grade they just give up the information, I ask the magic question and they tell me everything. If my kid's begin to have a bad habit, talking back, anything they may have learned from someone at school, I deal with it at home. They want to begin misbehaving I will show up at school and escort them around. Am I too involved, maybe, but I am their parent, shouldn't I do this thing right? So you see, I can send my kids to any school anywhere and know they will still be my kids at the end of the day. 

I know I will have peers who question me, asking me why I am sending her there. And my answer will be this, we are all God's children. God loves each one of us, he created all of us in his image. God believes we are all equal, we as people have made the judgments. We have taught our kids to judge, and why? There are scriptures throughout the bible that tell us not to judge, so why do we? 

One of the scriptures we use most in our house is Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" My youngest daughter and I have decided this is going to be her motto for the year. We believe God has placed her at this school for a reason. Maybe it's to share that adorable smile with someone each day, maybe it's to make a friend with someone who just needs a friend, maybe it's to share God's message with someone who needs God in their life, or maybe it's just to prove all the naysayers that yes this school may have the reputation as being "troubled" but she will prosper anyways. 

We as parent's have a voice, a strong one. And I over the years have learned that we tend to use our voice more so for negative then positive. We hear someone say something negative and we run with it. I went through this same problem years ago when other parents thought I was crazy to send my oldest to the high school and not let her choose a magnet high school in our district. Fast forward a few years, my oldest LOVES her school. She has a wonderful group of friends, is top of her class (and taking the same classes, with the same curriculum as her friends at the other high schools), and she has never had a problem since day 1. I can't say the same about the others. 

Many years ago I became a parent. I wasn't ready at all, but God gave me this beautiful baby for a reason. I took this job and have tried my best. I know my parenting isn't the same as everyone else, and I have never said it was. But as parent's we need to own it, we need to commit to raising these little people who will be able to live in this world; is that what we are doing? By running from issues, not talking to our kids, expressing judgments (this school is better then that school; we live here in this town because it is better then that town; you need to go to college to be a lawyer/doctor because it's better then being a farmer) isn't making the world a better place. Many parent's who are the "naysayers" in this life are the ones who can't tell you who their kid's teachers are, they can't name their kid's friends. They don't talk with their kid's, they let the schools raise them, but that's not their job! Our schools are here to teach our kids, teach them math, science, reading and history, not how to live in this world as an adult; that my friends is our job!!!

I know I have rambled through out this post, I never said I was the writer! But I do like to use this blog as my voice, I like to spread positivity. You can get angry with me all day long, but most of the time it's because I have hit a nerve, presented the truth and the truth hurts. We as parent's cannot complain about the world and all the issues going on but continue to raise our kids by running from the issues. We need to discuss these problems with our kids, talk about how we, as God's children, can spread his message and help create a better world. God loves each and every one of us, the good, the bad and the ugly. 

You can continue to talk about me and my crazy parenting and decisions, but I know that my kid's will be able to live in a world that has problems and issues. My kid's will know to face them, try to be the answer and not run from the problem. I will continue to parent my kid's at home, send them to school to learn, talk with them about their days, and continue to talk about good and bad influences in life. Jesus walked this earth loving everyone, my kids and I will continue to strive to be more like him. Loving everyone, and being the good influence in the world. 

Throughout this school year I will continue to update, because I know in my heart that God has some mighty plans for my daughter. She will be the ray of sun, spread His message and be part of the answer to this world that is hurting so much! 

Please only comment with positive notes, all negative comments will be deleted. This is a place for love, not anger or hatred!